I often feel obligated to post here once a day, and share what's going on in my Journey, but it's always a process and I don't always have something to share until I go through the process. I don't want to turn this into a venting blog, and share every little thing that gets thrown at me. I want this to be a sharing my journey in grace blog.
The maturing process is fascinating, but also frustrating sometimes. The Lord seems to always challenge me. It's like he puts people and situations in my life that cause me to want to react, but that's often negative. You know, that fight or flight response is still a struggle.
I never learned how to properly express myself. I would often say, "I'd rather roll and bleed in the street rather then say ouch!" Admitting that your hurt was a weakness to be ashamed of in the streets, and my home. Of course, I know now that is wrong. That only separates me from people and causes me to isolate. When I isolate I feel unique, and when I feel unique I separate myself from the Lord. I hope that make sense to you.
Sometimes one of those challenges is being judged by my brothers and sisters in Christ. It's funny really. To judge someone for something they know nothing about is ignorant, but here I am going through the process of maturing as a Christian. My first thought was to lash out and start throwing scripture at this person. But, that person has a right to mature too. If I would have done that, I would be jeopardizing his blessing in maturing by causing him to react to my reaction. It serves no propose to do that.
I feel the tug by the Holy Spirit whispering in my ear, "John, you're mature enough to let that go, and forgive him." One of my major goals as a Christian is to allow people to love me on their terms. The kind of man that I want to become is someone who can love you even when you make mistakes. Just like how Jesus loves me.
Then, I got a new apartment this week, all paid for, During the walk through today we discovered that the hot water heater isn't working. I was ready to sleep on the floor because the movers aren't coming until the 31st. Then to find out that there is no hot water just upset me. I went through a lot to get the apartment, where I'm at now is just upsetting because everyone is moving because they sold the building, so we all got 20-day notices. Some people have never been considerate, but now even less so being that they are moving out. Let's just say what their doing is disgusting and I need out of here. I paid for the apartment, I can move in anytime, but now I can't until they fix the hot water heater. It was upsetting.
When I got home, it was clear that my judgmental friend in Christ was, in fact being judgmental and simply ignoring me. So, I've been tested today for sure.
It's not an easy journey. So far I'm doing well through it all. I'm trying to keep every thought captive, keeping my tongue under control, and otherwise allowing the Lord to walk me through this process. The world calls this process life, but It's a process of faith and trust in the Lord.
It's all good. It's not going the way I hoped, but I'm letting go, which is a process in itself. Today is a milestone for me too. I'm 90 days sober. I've shared this before, so I'm not going to go into a big thing about it. On, December, 26th 2016, the Lord renewed me in body, mind and spirit. I woke up a new person and quit drinking and smoking. It was that renewal that started this new journey for me. Even though I've been a Christian for over 15 years, I struggled with addiction and other things, and I never became that new creation in Christ until December 26th. Praise God!
God bless,
John
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